What Uncle Ben Got Right About Masculinity

What my first three podcast guests taught me about modern masculinity.

I’ve recorded three podcast episodes now, and a consistent theme in every conversation has been about adding to the traditional male archetype, not detracting from it. Too often the conversation about men and boys is framed around doing less and being less; less aggression, less risk-taking, less strength. And yes, there are moments when we need less of those things - but that can’t be the whole story.

The problem though, is that while culture and environment play a huge role in shaping how these traits show up, many of them are also inherently masculine - appearing, on average, more in men than in women. But boys don’t grow up in a vacuum. How we praise or punish certain behaviours creates patterns, and those patterns shape the stories we tell about what it means to be a man.

Being told to be less is not empowering. No one is shamed into change. It’s not inspiring or aspirational to aim for something less than yourself. People, not just men, need to feel like they are moving towards something. Something greater.

That’s why flipping the narrative, to doing and being more, is so powerful. It resonated with my first few guests. In many ways, not directing natural male traits towards the great issues of our time feels like a huge PR blunder. Imagine if we had as much aggression and risk taking directed towards solving the climate crisis as we do towards government inefficiency? We’re not asking for no aggression, we’re asking for more control to use it as courage. Not less risk taking, just the requirement to weigh and measure and deploy it as leadership. Not less strength, just strength that is channelled where it is needed and shared to create influence.

Any trait which appears as a strength can also become a weakness. The same is true of traditionally masculine or traditionally feminine traits. Unchecked empathy can get you into a whole heap of trouble. If we can build from a position of virtue, we give men an operating model that welcomes them as they are whilst signposting areas for growth that can unlock truly exceptional masculinity.

Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben said it best - “With great power comes great responsibility”.

If the starting point is strength, risk taking and aggression, the truly comprehensive man is the one who has mastery over those virtues and can channel them as the situation and his community demands. Instead of calling traits toxic, what if we told young men, that they were blessed with the virtue of natural aggression, and the very best men learn how to wield it for good?

I genuinely believe that if we can shift this narrative, we can raise a generation of young men who take pride in who they are, and strive to add to build on their natural traits in pursuit of mastery.